Sarah Palin: Moose Murder Barbie Steeps at Mega Tea Party

Faster than speeding bullsh*t, able to reach Russia in a single bound, makin' less sense than Donald "known unknown" Rumsfeld, it's Sarah Palin, the snowbilly Energizer Bunny of America’s right wing: she's baaack!

And this time, she’s partyin’—tea partyin’ that is!

Our Sarah’s been a real busy gal these past few weeks. First there was that book a hers, Goin’ Rogue. Why shoot, when I heard the Queen a Texas Tea had writ herself a real, goldurn book, I wanted to shake her hand--after those early Katie Couric interviews, there were times I doubted she could even READ! But then she streaked past readin’ and writin’ to become a talking head on that station for the unfair and unbalanced, Fox "News." Truly, we live in a age of signs and portents--and that joyful phrase "President Palin" has me convinced the end times we all been prayin' for sure are plum nigh.

Sarah Barracuda's Alaska-to-household-name "common sense" story IS kind a miraculous: any of the women I know who had just given birth to a Down's Syndrome baby and discovered their 17-year-old daughter "with child" wouldn't a had a moment free to run for the White House, what with all the hysteria going on in their OWN houses. But—praise the Lord—when there’s a job to do, NRA members and right-to-lifers charge right in where ordinary fools fear to tread!

But our Grandma Palin ain't no ordinary fool. She’s a lipstick-wearer so on top of things as Governor, wife, and mother of five, that she popped right back to work a mere THREE DAYS after birthin’ young Trig.

I, on the other hand, have yet to recover from my last pregnancy. And that was 15 years ago...

As governor, Palin roamed the legislature halls, skimming through messages with a BlackBerry in each hand. Well Lord sakes, what good thinkin’, keeping your trigger fingers limber despite those long days at the office where you couldn't shoot nobody, much as you mighta wanted to. You betcha!

Me and the gals I know don't have no time to be exercisin' our Second Amendment rights (use it or lose it, girls!), what with all our worryin’ over silly, everyday stuff--like how to get pregnant, how to keep from getting pregnant, how to keep our daughters from getting pregnant, how to find affordable/reliable/quality childcare/healthcare/eldercare, how to juggle our careers and family, how to keep a roof over our heads, how to keep said roof from leaking, and so on. Meantime, Sarah’s doing The Nation’s business and The Lord’s Work, tryin’ to get a handle on where Obama was really born, and getting the scoop on those Canadian death panels!

I guess me and my gal friends will always be handicapped by our small dreams because, as Sarah Palin, former beauty queen and one-time mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (pop. 10,256), has clearly shown, the best way to the top is over the top.

But wait--there’s more!

You Sarah, inspire us--not just by bein’ a whiz bang at shootin’ fish in a barrel (or moose from small planes), but also in knowin’ how to stick to your guns: despite young Bristol's unplanned, out-of-wedlock bumble of joy, apparently you (and Bristol) STILL champion high school sex ed that’s abstinence-only. Well shoot, it's like your whole life is based on the teachin’, "Don't confuse me with the facts! La la la!" You can't even be taught! Tarnation!

A better shot than Dick Cheney, more photogenic than any of the Joes, to this hard as nails moose dressin’ little lady who resurrected the beehive and made the McCain campaign cough up a fabulous new wardrobe, I say: you go, girl!

All hail President Palin for 2012!

You are Dan Quayle without the gravitas, Hillary with none a that pesky, wrinkle-inducin’ experience. As the capitalist economy, the fourth estate, critical thinking and them thar “educated classes” scatter before you like rose petals, you sure give us feminists faith in the future.

At least, in the future of comedy!

(Originally published by me on Open Salon, Feb. 8, 2010)

Canada's long-gun registry cost-effective life saver

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance," said Derek Bok, president of Harvard University president for over 20 years.

A similar analogy applies to the long-gun registry, as activists and objective observers alike are making clear.

In 1995, Ted Miller turned his attention to the costs associated with gun violence in Canada. Miller is an internationally recognized safety economist and leading expert on injury incidence, costs and consequences, with more than 150 studies and more than 200 scholarly publications under his belt.

The cost estimates he produces are used by the U.S. Department of Transportation, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, the Justice Department and several foreign governments.

Miller's look at gunshot wounds in Canada, published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, estimated that gunshot wounds in 1991 cost Canada $6.6 billion (in 1993 dollars). That represents about $8.95 billion in today's money.

Miller found about $63 million was associated with medical and mental health costs, $10 million on public services, and that productivity losses exceeded $1.5 billion; the remaining dollar value was attributed to "pain, suffering and lost quality of life."

Clearly, even the dollar costs of gun violence are considerable. Not to mention the non-monetary costs of "pain, suffering and lost quality of life."

Fast-forward to 2003. The CMAJ issues an editorial in support of gun registration in Canada, saying dismantling the long gun registry would be, "a serious mistake ... (because) registration is a key part of the strategy to reduce mortality and morbidity resulting from the misuse of privately owned guns and the legal trade in firearms."

The editorial emphasizes 80 per cent of firearm deaths are due to suicides, 15 per cent to homicides and four per cent are accidental.

So injuries and deaths of just over 200 people per year account for costs of nearly $9 billion.

You don't have to be a Harvard president to understand that gun violence is a significant Canadian social problem. And that successful efforts to curtail it should be lauded, not destroyed.

Whatever overruns may have been associated with the registry's setup, it now annually costs only $3 million to $4 million. If it prevents even one or two gunshot injuries, it may well have already paid for itself.

A new website, truthsandmyths.ca, describes the registry's successes and counters gun lobby lies.

Today, as in the days of Miller's analysis, "The vast majority of firearm deaths in Canada are not gang-related, but occur when an ordinary citizen becomes suicidal or violent, often under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or during a personal crisis such as marital breakdown or job loss. When firearms are available, domestic homicides are more likely to involve multiple victims and end in suicide," says a recent statement from 28 Canadian health organizations and 33 individuals.

The statement "Firearms Control and Injury Prevention: The gun registry is a good investment" also describes the results since the registry's advent: "an astonishing decrease of 43 per cent of all gun deaths since 1991," with the greatest progress being in deaths associated with rifles and shotguns. Most suicides among those 15-35 years old involve firearms "easily accessible in the home"; such deaths decreased 64 per cent between 1995 and 2005, "with no evidence of substitution with other methods."

There is little doubt that Canada's gun lobby is supported and advised by the U.S. National Rifle Association (NRA). Wayne LaPierre, NRA executive vice-president, wrote recently on the Canadian Sports Shooting Association website, "if all goes well in the Canadian Parliament, Dominion gun owners will be freed from 14 years of living under the crushing weight of a bureaucratic, scandal-ridden, wasteful, invasive, $2 billion, error-ridden and inarguably worthless long-gun registry."

He described the November vote against the registry as "a stunning victory for gun owners" and quotes the research director of the ultra-conservative Colorado-based Independence Institute as saying the registry's repeal "would be of tremendous global significance."

But a majority of Canadians actually believe in the registry: a new poll shows more than twice as many of us want to keep it as wish to scrap it (59 per cent versus 27 per cent), that women support the gun registry more than men (66 per cent versus 51 per cent), that more people living with gun owners support the registry than oppose it (47 per cent versus 36 per cent) and that a substantial proportion of gun owners themselves (36 per cent) support it.

The gun lobby may be louder and better financed, but even among households with guns in Canada, votes are almost evenly split.

While the gun lobby blusters that the licensing provisions of the Firearms Act provide adequate safeguards, the truth is that licensing only functions with registration as its backup. Our Supreme Court even issued a ruling to this effect.

The registry provides police with the number and type of firearms each licensed individual owns. If a gun owner is deemed dangerous to himself (or others), in the absence of the registry, how can a prohibition order be enforced?

Safe storage rules are similarly unenforceable if there's no proof of ownership for a gun in question.

Dismantling the long-gun registry would be a huge blow to the Firearms Act as a whole, undermining public safety.

So if you think gun control is expensive, try gun deaths.

(Published Tuesday May 18th, 2010 in The Daily Gleaner)