The Bev Diet (part 5): Long time, no see!

My goodness, four months with narry a word from me or my diet! How have you survived?

Well, I hope.

I’m doing well, too. Over 60 lbs down! And I even survived a 10-day trip to Italy! Came back three pounds heavier but that was overcome, slowly but surely.

Me with Darling Daughter, (who knows all the good camera angles)

And slowly seems to be the operative adverb, these days. A lot of yo-yoing over the summer, which is too bad but it is what it is.

One big change, I’ve noticed, is that when I my weight DOES go up, I’m no longer terrified that this is THE END. So I guess I’m developing confidence in my ability to find my way back to the groove.

Venice was beautiful. I didn’t really eat all that much. No pizza, for example. We stayed in places where we cooked many of our own meals, so I managed to eat a bit of oatmeal. A couple of times, I ate scallop appetizers as my main course (three scallops). We discovered cicchetti, the Italian equivalent of tapas. One thing I have noticed, I’m now satisfied with a small taste of someone else’s yummy main course, I don’t have to eat a whole whack of (e.g.,) pasta myself. So that’s something.

Breakfast is a cream-filled sweet croissant

(pistachio or Nutella were faves)

 

End of May was one year on the diet; I’m now in my 16^th month of dieting. In addition to the 60 lbs lost, I now no longer shop in the plus sizes/stores. Which is amazing! I’m not quite ready to order clothes online, but am getting there.

Another welcome change: my energy level is WAY up! I’m now doing my 1hr15min walk in under an hour, and my 45min walk in under 30mins (thank you Sirius Chill channel 53!). So I’m walking much faster and have even recently added a second 30min lap; same amount of time spent exercising (about 2hr walking, 1hr exercycling) but I’m covering more ground (11km instead of 8). One weird thing about this: my diet/exercise app is not really noting the increased activity in the form of higher calories: I think it relies more on time walking than distance (but don’t quote me on that, I’m not 100% certain). If so, it’s a bit disappointing…but nothing I can’t live with. The scale is the ultimate authority, and the news from there is good.

I’m also, as a result of the exercise, sleeping quite well. Knock wood. Ten years after menopause, what a relief!

I’m thinking about joining the gym and trying to build some muscle, which will burn more calories all the time. Or so I’ve heard.

Stay tuned, and best of luck on your weight loss journeys!

Sarah Palin: Moose Murder Barbie Steeps at Mega Tea Party

Faster than speeding bullsh*t, able to reach Russia in a single bound, makin' less sense than Donald "known unknown" Rumsfeld, it's Sarah Palin, the snowbilly Energizer Bunny of America’s right wing: she's baaack!

And this time, she’s partyin’—tea partyin’ that is!

Our Sarah’s been a real busy gal these past few weeks. First there was that book a hers, Goin’ Rogue. Why shoot, when I heard the Queen a Texas Tea had writ herself a real, goldurn book, I wanted to shake her hand--after those early Katie Couric interviews, there were times I doubted she could even READ! But then she streaked past readin’ and writin’ to become a talking head on that station for the unfair and unbalanced, Fox "News." Truly, we live in a age of signs and portents--and that joyful phrase "President Palin" has me convinced the end times we all been prayin' for sure are plum nigh.

Sarah Barracuda's Alaska-to-household-name "common sense" story IS kind a miraculous: any of the women I know who had just given birth to a Down's Syndrome baby and discovered their 17-year-old daughter "with child" wouldn't a had a moment free to run for the White House, what with all the hysteria going on in their OWN houses. But—praise the Lord—when there’s a job to do, NRA members and right-to-lifers charge right in where ordinary fools fear to tread!

But our Grandma Palin ain't no ordinary fool. She’s a lipstick-wearer so on top of things as Governor, wife, and mother of five, that she popped right back to work a mere THREE DAYS after birthin’ young Trig.

I, on the other hand, have yet to recover from my last pregnancy. And that was 15 years ago...

As governor, Palin roamed the legislature halls, skimming through messages with a BlackBerry in each hand. Well Lord sakes, what good thinkin’, keeping your trigger fingers limber despite those long days at the office where you couldn't shoot nobody, much as you mighta wanted to. You betcha!

Me and the gals I know don't have no time to be exercisin' our Second Amendment rights (use it or lose it, girls!), what with all our worryin’ over silly, everyday stuff--like how to get pregnant, how to keep from getting pregnant, how to keep our daughters from getting pregnant, how to find affordable/reliable/quality childcare/healthcare/eldercare, how to juggle our careers and family, how to keep a roof over our heads, how to keep said roof from leaking, and so on. Meantime, Sarah’s doing The Nation’s business and The Lord’s Work, tryin’ to get a handle on where Obama was really born, and getting the scoop on those Canadian death panels!

I guess me and my gal friends will always be handicapped by our small dreams because, as Sarah Palin, former beauty queen and one-time mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (pop. 10,256), has clearly shown, the best way to the top is over the top.

But wait--there’s more!

You Sarah, inspire us--not just by bein’ a whiz bang at shootin’ fish in a barrel (or moose from small planes), but also in knowin’ how to stick to your guns: despite young Bristol's unplanned, out-of-wedlock bumble of joy, apparently you (and Bristol) STILL champion high school sex ed that’s abstinence-only. Well shoot, it's like your whole life is based on the teachin’, "Don't confuse me with the facts! La la la!" You can't even be taught! Tarnation!

A better shot than Dick Cheney, more photogenic than any of the Joes, to this hard as nails moose dressin’ little lady who resurrected the beehive and made the McCain campaign cough up a fabulous new wardrobe, I say: you go, girl!

All hail President Palin for 2012!

You are Dan Quayle without the gravitas, Hillary with none a that pesky, wrinkle-inducin’ experience. As the capitalist economy, the fourth estate, critical thinking and them thar “educated classes” scatter before you like rose petals, you sure give us feminists faith in the future.

At least, in the future of comedy!

(Originally published by me on Open Salon, Feb. 8, 2010)